1. |
My Transparency Intro
03:22
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Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Lord it's not my will it's yours
Sacrifice is a lesser choice
Obedience is what you want from me
I'ma hold your hand while you're using me
I could almost see my heartbeat
When you spoke to me transparency
Yeah
When you spoke
My transparency
I'm like Lord
What more do you want from me
If they're looking then they gon see
Making public my privacy
You got me sharing things
I barely gave to thee
Yeah
They say timing
Is everything
I guess your watch is saying that it's time for me
I guess your watch is saying that it's time for me
Revealing what I've been covering
Digging up this stuff when I buried it
Said anytime
It gets too heavy
Just toss it to you, and you'll carry it
Thank you Lord
I'm one so many be leaning on
Wet shoulders
They been crying on
You the reason why I'm still holding on
So I keep on moving
Keep on going
I keep on standing or we all gone
Yeah
I gotta keep on standing or we all gone
we all gone
And for so long
I've been watching what I've been speaking
Now you got me saying things I've been thinking
You opened me up
Your laid me bare
Getting touchy with all these feelings, Lord
Yeah
You getting touchy with all these feelings
Yeah
It's giving up that is so easy
I don't quit
You're working in me
You're my strength and you've got plenty
You see my end though I'm not finished
You say it's time
To get my healing
You opened these wounds now my guts spilling
I trust you Lord and trust your reasons
Yeah
Yeah
I trust you Lord and trust your reasons
Yeah
I trust you Lord and I trust your reasons
You're the master with the key
Unlocking doors so they can peek
Made it very clear to see
This is my transparency
Yeah
Yeah
Lord it's thee who holds the key
Unchaining me to make me free
Unchaining me to make me free
Yeah
You made it clear for me to see
This is my transparency
This is my transparency
Yeah
Lord it's thee who holds the key
Unchaining me to make me free
Unchaining me to make me free
Yeah
You're the one who holds the key
Yeah
Unchaining me to make me free
Yeah
You made it very clear to me
This is my transparency
This is my transparency
Yeah
You're the one who holds the key
Unchaining me to make me free
Yeah
You made it clear for me to see
This is my transparency
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2. |
Annas Blues
03:06
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Yeah
Yeah
See, her name was Anna
Except for pics I never knew much
A sensitive spot
Nobody wanted to touch
She wasn't spoken of much
Only on occasion
And I've been here on stand by
And I'm still waitin
Life's barely getting started and you're already gone
Baby sis is in pampers and I'm only one
My whole life I done missed ya
I don't even own one picture
But I know I see your face
When I'm looking at my sister
Heard you was intelligent
Somewhat mild-temperament
A great sense of humor
And Gifted on an instrument
Your birthday's on the 3rd day of a New Year
Your eyes brown and wide and it's obvious they're
A gift to Lil sis and it's beautifully clear
She's got the same sense of humor
I pray it'll always be there
And me, I inherited your deep tone your melanin
Played Piano by ear
Now I'm artistically creative
And this is DNA you passed onto me
Your grandchildren
And even great-grandbabies
If you were only here
If only God had saw different
Then you would be around
To see your bloodline
Your lineage
I Find myself wondering whatcha would've become
A classical musician
Or a stay home mom
Either way, it's ok mom whichever the one
Would've still been all love
If none of the above
Yeah
Either way, it's ok mom whichever the one
Would have still have been all love
If none of the above
Yeah
Anna's Blues
Dedicated to my mother, Anna Jean Evans
Who God allowed to grace this world with her presence for 16 years
See, I call this piece Anna's Blues
Because I spent nearly half of my life mourning my mother
How could I mourn someone
I couldn't have possibly known
Right
I was only 1 year old
A toddler
Well, nevertheless that didn't negate
That her absence from my life
Was so deeply felt
Until God spoke to me on one Mother's Day
Saying
I was so focused on what I didn't have
That I was missing out on what I do have
My children
See, they were unable to truly celebrate me on Mother's Day
Because I had the blues
I was mourning my mother every single Mother's Day
And So
Me mourning my mother's absence
Ended that day
Yeah
Her name was Anna
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3. |
Can I Be Honest
02:33
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Yeah
Yeah can I be honest
Yeah
My transparency
Can I be honest
Truthfully
I didn’t wanna write my transparency
Father God says it’s time
Time to deliver some
Deliver some
While gettin the healing that I need
Yeah
Yeah see
God decided to go beneath
Some things I thought I was over
Now he’s breaking up this ground
I’ve been shoveling over
I was pleasingly balanced
Or gave the appearance there of
See I already admitted
I got some issues with trust
She was just a Lil girl
Inappropriately touched
Who’d later struggle with discomfort
Giving her children a hug
At the time only nine
Feeling dirty all the time
Magic bubbles ain’t enough
To make her clean this time
She had a troubled mind
Yeah
Still she kept it to herself
Cuz the adults she loved the most
She did her best to protect
So she would go through adolescence
Thinking love means sexing
Irregular attention
She’s grown a custom to getting
Now you see this young girl
Who’s just so angry at the world
Don’t you cross her
If you cross her
She gon give you what for
A young woman who gave love
So real and genuine
In return received none
Cuz his was counterfeit
A broken heart barely beating
Fragmented in pieces
No patchwork no stitches
I needed God to mend it
Yeah
Yeah
No patchwork no stitches
I needed God
And he mended it
Can I be honest
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Can I be honest
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah y’all tell me
Can I be honest
Yeah
Cuz I didn’t wanna write my transparency
So
Can I be honest
Yeah
And get the healing that I really need
Can I be honest
My transparency
Can I be honest
Yeah
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4. |
My Pen My Pad
03:26
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Yeah
My pen my pad
Yeah
Quiet chocolate girl
In bobby socks
Brown eyes
A crayola box
Yeah
In a dark world
You her bright spot
Yeah
Yeah
Picture books and drawings
Storytelling is talking
Dear diary starts Inscription
Details without a description
To you I pen my secrets
Cuz I know that you gon keep it
Write something
Erase it
Still on you I left an impression
Mama’s gone
Missing dad
It’s all I had
Yeah
My pen my pad
Feeling bad
It’s my outlet
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
Mama’s gone
Missing dad
It’s all I had
Yeah
My pen my pad
Feeling bad
It’s my outlet
Yeah
Yeah
Some words I can not speak
spill em out thru the ink
Jot and scribble
Yeah
As I think
Note the thoughts
In my mind
Got blotches on my pages why
Yeah
Cuz my pen cries
Short stories no tall tales
Nonfiction
Truth prevails
These Emo’s
Like Post it notes
At times it’s hard
To let em go
I Find Hope
In the antidote
I turn to these bible quotes
Read myself some scripture
Then I grab my pencil
Mama’s gone
Missing dad
It’s all I had
Yeah
My pen my pad
Feeling bad
It’s my outlet
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
Mama’s gone
Missing dad
It’s all I had
Yeah
My pen my pad
Feeling bad
It’s my outlet
Yeah
Yeah
Look thru my notebook
From permanent mark to mechanical
Unbind on ruled lines
Rough drafts of my mental notes
Unheard spoken words
I sketch the hurt in free verse
This sonnet
They ain’t heard it yet
It’s a new sound and I’m etching it
Gel pen to suppress it
This fountain just gon let it flow
My ballpoint is onto something
Ideas float on aqua notes
You’re significant
Therapeutic
God gave it
And then he used it
I’m awake
Up late
My ink’s gotta date with paper mate
Mama’s gone
Missing dad
It’s all I had
Yeah
My pen my pad
Feeling bad
It’s my outlet
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
Mama’s gone
Missing dad
It’s all I had
Yeah
My pen my pad
Feeling bad
It’s my outlet
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
It’s all I had
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
My pen my pad
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5. |
By Design
03:21
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Yeah
Yeah
See
There was no mold to break
After God created me
Fearfully and wonderfully
He made me unique
He gave me these big brown eyes
Inserted this gap in my teeth
Spoken words on my tongue
Even before I could speak
When I was only one my loving mommy dies
Picked up a pen and pad at the age of nine
And in the middle of night I begin to write
I miss you mom
Letters into rhymes
Heartbroken child who cried so many nights
And this went on and on into adult life
And for so many years I was asking why
But with no reply
Nah
With No reply
In grade school one of those who follow rules
And I was always getting picked on for what I do
In the crowd nah I don't ever fit
Isolated yeah I was separate
It's junior high yeah and I chose to hide
And truthfully there's so many reasons why
Praying, God please just get me through this day
And keep this little lamb from becoming prey
And all the teachers said I should just ignore
Yeah stick and stones
They breaking bones
But for some reason they don't seem to realize
These words they be cutting me to my core
I'm 17
And I'ma mother now
And I gotta do this all on my own somehow
Yeah he was there
And said he cared
But now
He don't wanna claim his child
My insecurities high
And my esteem is down
Mixed with self conscious
And some self doubt
God I really do
I need Your help now
My God please I really need your help now
Some encouraging words
From my granny's mouth
She told me
That I am not to worry bout
See I'm unique
I'm a different piece
One of a kind
Meant to stand out
Now young adult
And I'm so filled with anger
And I got me
Some real trust issues
You get too close
And I proceed with caution
Cuz all I'm seeing
Is the danger in it
Now I got a clouded mind
With a tainted view
And just so many probs
With no solu
Been calling you
But I can't get through
Lord, I've been calling you
Yeah
But I can't get through
Then Life got real
When I got ill
It was 15 years
Before I got healed
Most my years
Yeah
They was filled with struggle
It was pay my tithes
Or either pay my bills
Being tested yeah
Now that's for every man
Lord your thoughts are good
With a hopeful plan
I can not lean on mine
And try to understand
Nah I can not lean on mine
And try to understand
Year two thousand
One and nine
Lord your message came
And it was right on time
Said it served a purpose
There was no mistakes
And it was all
By design
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6. |
One Thing
03:15
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Yeah
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
If I could change just one thing
Lord
Wouldn't have lived a life full of sinfulness
Proud, unashamed of my filthiness
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
Wouldn't been in the club half dressed
Gettin high, drinking, being a hot mess
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
Would not engaged in unmarital sex
I would've waited till I wed to have kids
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I would've known what a gift a child is
And not aborted one of my kids
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
If I could change just one thing
Lord
Soon as I got that call from Jesus
I would've answered then and said yes
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
Would've got saved sooner than I did
Fell on my knees and repent
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I wouldn't have lived like you're not up there
I would've changed my life swear
If I could change just one thing
Lord
I would've gave my life to You Christ
Mistakes I made once
I would've made twice
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I wouldn't bonded myself up again
Once you freed from my chains
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I wouldn't had myself a foul mouth
Fussing cussing all up in my house
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I wouldn't let my anger get ahold of me
And done a lot of stupid things intentionally
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I wouldn't of put my freedom at risk
When I was tryna be a street pharmacist
If I could change just one thing
Lord
Wouldn't done a whole lotta shameful things
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
Wouldn't have lived a life full of sinfulness
Would've gotten saved sooner than I did
I would've fallen on my knees and repent
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
Mistakes I made once
I wouldn't have made twice
Would've given my life to you Christ
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I wouldn't have lived like you weren't up there
If I could change just one thing
Yeah
I would've changed my life swear
If I could change just one thing
One Thing
If I could change one thing
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7. |
Fall Apart
03:40
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Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Yeah
Uh huh
You know
Sometimes when I go through it I just keep it to myself
Quiet as it's kept I don't tell anybody else
I just tell the one
And that's the one who can help
Sometimes this walking don't add up
Tho I calculate my steps
God Your approach is never casually
Purposeful when you speak to me
Lift my head when my heart's heavy
You always know what to say to me
When I'm second guessing
I delay my blessing
You said just put all my trust in you
And it'll stop all my stressing
Although, you don't have to do it
God, your faithfulness, you prove it
God I'm giving you my mind
Otherwise, I just might lose it
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Even words unspoken
You hear what I'm not speaking
My mind to you is like an open book
You always read my thinking
My thoughts, they overwhelm me
My God the things that you have seen
Please, renew my mind
Renew my mind daily
Please
Father God I need you
No good off in my flesh
This natural man has limitations
Spirit be my help
Pick me up when I fall down
Fill me up when I run out
Although my countenance fallen down
Still walk with me
Though I'm crawling now
My heart, it condemn me
But my God you are greater
My God you gave me Jesus
Cuz I needed me a savior
God you've known my ending
From the very start
Faithfully mends my brokenness
Every time I fall apart
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Pick me up when I fall down
Fill me up when I run out
Yeah
Uh huh
Pick me up when I fall down
Fill me up when I run out
Yeah
Uh huh
Father God I need you
No good off in my flesh
This natural man has limitations
Spirit be my help
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
God you've known my ending
Right from the very start
Faithfully mends my brokenness
Every time I fall apart
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Pick me up when I fall down
Fill me up when I run out
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Father God I need you
No good off in my flesh
This natural man has limitations
Spirit be my help
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
God you've known my ending
Right from the very start
Faithfully mends my brokenness
Every time I fall apart
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Father God I need you
No good off in my flesh
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Uh huh
Pick me up when I fall down
Fill me up when I run out
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8. |
Breathe Life Into Me
03:10
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Yeah
They say
Why did I fall in love with Thee
Cuz you first, fell in love with me
You graciously gave this gift to me
Inspires my soul, creatively
My poetry, it flows right to Thee
You pour it right back onto me
That's why I named my style floetry
That's why I named my style floetry
Refocusing my vision all the time
Really can't see where I'm going
But you've always been my guide
My Guide
You've always been here next to me
Truly believed when you said to me
You're never ever gonna leave
That's definitely
Eternity
You breathed life into me
I was dead sin you revived me
Trespasses had me chained indeed
You, righteous Judge, released me
Now I'm living life a free being
Yeah
Now I'm living life a free being
Yeah
I be bout to fall apart
While these folks thinking I got together
I just picture you holding me, Lord
While I'm reading all your love letters
Your love letters
Yeah
Yeah
They're the ones that's been keeping me
Reminding me what you promised me
Your word is true
And it's gonna do what you send it to
Yeah
Your word is true
It's gonna do what you send it to
This picture of being the strong one
Kinda puts me on the spot
Filters an unreal image
While I'm going thru a lot
There's no one left to tell Lord
You're all that I've got
There's no one left to tell Lord
You're all that I've got
See, you're the only reason why I'm here
Ain't mastered 100 percent
But I'm learning to conquer my fears
My fears
See, this is why I praise you like I do
Holding your hand, cuz you pull me through
I keep holding your hand cuz you pull me through
See, I'm messed up
Sure enough
When I fall down you lift me up
Whenever I feel like giving up
Your presence's there with a loving hug
With Loving hug
Yeah
Yeah
Whenever I feel like giving up
Your presence's there with a loving hug
You breathed life into me
Without you I would be deceased
Not speaking metaphorically
Saying physically and spiritually
Refocusing my vision all the time
I really can't see where I'm going
But you've always been my guide
My Guide
You've always been here next to me
I truly believed when you said to me
You're never, ever gone leave me
That's definitely eternity
Eternity
You breathe life into me
You breathe life into me
And that's definitely eternity
Eternity
Yeah
Yeah
That's definitely eternity
Eternity
Cuz, you're the only reason why I'm here
Ain't mastered this 100 percent
But I'm learning to conquer my fears
My fears
Cuz, you breathe life into me
Yeah
And that's definitely eternity
Eternity
Cuz you breathe life into me
Yeah
Yeah
You breathe life into me
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9. |
You Are Greater
02:32
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Yeah
Yeah
It's hard when you tryna depart from something
That holds a piece of your heart
It's got its hooks in you
It tugs on you
Tryna pull you back in the dark
So I slipped
Then I fell
Feel the heat
This is hell
As my soul is yelling timber
All of a sudden I can remember
Your breath's in me
You bled for me
Of the body, I am a member
The spirit is no longer muted
I can hear it quoting the scriptures
Lord, I feel like such a disgrace
Tell me, Lord
Is it too late
Can I still obtain your grace
Can I still obtain your grace, Lord
I fall on my face I cry and I pray
Fall on my face I cry and I pray
Fall on my face I cry and I pray
Fall on my face I cry and I pray
Begging for your forgiveness
I know your word
Promise to give it
But, I don't feel like I deserve it
Nah
My heart is heavy God
And now I cannot move
This burden weighs me down
And now I cannot move
This burden weighs me down
This guilt is lasting
So
I turn to fasting
And then your word
It spoke to me
And here's what happened
Yeah
And then your word, it spoke to me
And here's what happened
I am reminded
You are faithful and just to forgive
Please
Keep me from deliberate sin
I am reminded
When I confess
You cleanse me
You cleanse me from all unrighteousness
I am reminded
I can be in perfect peace
If
My mind stays on Thee
I am reminded that
I can live free
Free from guilt
And that you'll carry my heavy load
And I
I will be comforted
I am reminded
That you are a loving compassionate savior
And as much as I know me Lord
You
You know me better
And whenever my heart condemns me
My God
My God, you are greater
Yeah
As much as my heart condemns me God
You are greater
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10. |
Somebodys Baby
04:36
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Somebody's Baby
See
I believe
I believe everybody needs to be somebody's baby
Ok
I'll elaborate
I'm talking about that person
That one person you have a special bond with
That person you can talk to concerning anything
And without saying so
It always stays just between you and them
They're your confidant
Your rock
No if, and but's or maybe's
And you
You
You're their baby
Well
That was my granny with me
Me little granny
I called her affectionately
When I was a young
And my granny had to spank me
Oh, I mean discipline me
Afterwards she'd say
Come on, let's eat some Ice cream
Yeah
My granny, she was sweet to me
Once an adult
Daily on the phone, we talked
Being silly and
Laughing, laughing
And
Laughing
Granny's laugh
I often reminisce about it
So full delight
Rejoicing and triumph
Oh how I miss it
I miss her
I miss her
30 day vacay visits
Our conversations
Rather on the phone or in person
Customarily consisted
Of granny singing
Me doing poetry readings
Heart to hearts
Sharing things
I've never shared with another human being
Yeah
I could tell granny absolutely anything
Although
Granny, always seemed to know
When I needed her most
Even when I kept it to myself
I'd be going through something
And I'd receive a random call out of nowhere
Granny asking
Are you alright
And, I couldn't lie
So
I'd spill my guts and began to cry
Granny'd immediately pray
Afterward, she'd chuckle
Her comforting, faith filled, it's already alright chuckle
Then say
The Master's got it all under control
It's gon be ok
I'd wait on me little granny hand and foot
She'd get a kick out of it
Even tho she'd say not to make a fuss
I'd say
Granny, you're a queen
And should be treated as such
Granny'd smile
She'd take my hands and say
Look here
I know you love me because you put it on display
She'd say
We've got something special
I knew
Still nice to hear it tho
Yeah, me and granny were extremely close
And so, the day I received the call that
My granny was seriously ill and may pass away in a day or so
It literally felt like my world was crashing around me
My heart
In so much pain
I
I couldn't breathe
I couldn't even begin to imagine my world without
Me little granny
Probably why God didn't take her that year
However
He did call her home the following
Although, it still hurt
I was able to handle it a little bit better
Me little granny's
been gone for 7 years now
And
It hasn't been easy
Going through my everyday life without her
And
Not a day goes by that I don't think of her
Especially whenever something exciting
Or wonderful happens
It hurts to know I can't call her
With granny gone
It feels like I'm nobody's baby now
But then I'm reminded that
I'm a child of God
And so, I'm actually still somebody's baby
The Heavenly Father's
For as much as my granny loved me
And oh how she did love me
My Heavenly Father loves me more
And I know he didn't
Take me little granny to purposely cause me pain
In fact
He loved granny also so he ended her's
He loves you too
Never forget
Even though that loved one
To whom
You were extremely close to isn't here anymore
You're still somebody's baby
God's
Somebody's Baby
Dedicated to
Me little granny
Darthel Hamilton
I love you
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11. |
Dear Lil Me
03:22
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Yeah
I always wondered what I'd say to you
And now that I've had time to think
Dear Lil me
Yeah
Dear Lil me
It's the one that you're gonna be
The fight will be on
Beginning day one
You came in this world
Gasping and wheezing
Struggling for air
You were fighting to breathe in
You were fighting to breathe in
You were fighting to breathe then
You were fighting to breathe
You were fighting
Just begun
God put that fight in you
For some things
Life had in store for you
Dear Lil me
Satan schemes
Wicked men
Nightmares
After your dreams
Dear Lil me
You'll get discouraged
Brokenhearted
God'll be there
I promise
He'll mend the pieces
Yeah
Every time
You fall apart
And
Dear Lil me
Can I be honest
You'll have trust issues and problems
And do some things
That'll cause you dishonor
So grateful to heavenly father
He covered you
Yeah
Yeah
He covered his daughter
Dear Lil me
Yeah
Dear Lil me
I know you've been wronged
You're feeling alone
Trust me
God never leaves
He's given you strength
You need to hold on
Dear Lil me
I know that you cry
You're wondering why
It's gon be alright
One day you'll see
God's creating this me
Dear Lil me
You'll go through some things
Get knocked to your knees
Where you need to be
Seeking your maker
Your Lord and your Savior
Dear Lil me
You'll miss your mom
Sing Anna's blues
Somebody's baby
He took the one
But he left you two
Dear Lil me
Don't lose your hope
God hid a seed
Your thoughts into rhymes
A way you can cope
A pen and a pad
It's all by design
Dear Lil me
One thing
God's word you'll need
Breathe life into me
Well you
You know what I mean
Just wait and you'll see
Yeah
Yeah
Dear Lil me
Yeah
Dear Lil me
Yeah
Dear Lil me
Wait and you'll see
Dear Lil me
Sincerely, yours truly
Dear Lil me
Just wait and you'll see
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12. |
My Transparency Outro
02:12
|
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I
Dip my
Feather into this ink
Staring
Staring into empty spaces
For so many ages
I have
Applied to these pages
Time after time after time after time
As I'm
Letting it soak between lines
Sink
I am noticing
Many are not truly focusing
So, much can be missed
Blink
Still
I am hoping
Hoping
Hoping
My thoughts
My thoughts will make you think
Still, I am hoping
My thoughts will make you think
My transparency
What you don't see
My humanity
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Jamie Gray PoetByDesign Glendale, Arizona
Jamie, an Arizona native, love for music began when she was just a toddler. Her father sang in a local group and her mother played classical music as a child. (Inspired by the absence of her late mother.) Jamie began writing Poetry at the tender age of 9. So it seems only natural that Jamie would combine these two loves... And so, she did. Jamie's compelled to spring forward into her destiny. ... more
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